An Epiphany

So I've been having this 3 week long pity party for myself. I've been an emotional wreck. My poor children. Normally I am an emotional person, but usually pretty cheerful. Many people gave me heart-felt advice and showed me a lot of compassion, but I still felt so sad. My hope would be ignited, only to be dashed. I was on a rollercoaster of highs and lows and was suffering panic over my worries. Lack of sleep Magnified my mood. So finally, Rob said something to me. It got me. He knows me so well. He said..." Shannon, people were hacked to death in the Congo today. What do you want to do about it? Do you want to adopt an orphan from Africa? As important as Gigi is, if you can't handle China, how on earth would you ever handle adopting an orphan from Africa whose parents were killed or died from Aids?" Now, the point really isn't whether we adopt from Africa or not, although I would love that. I just had the feeling....." You are so right!" This adoption isn't about me getting my sweet little girl home for Christmas. This is about doing whatever work God has prepared for me with diligence and perseverance. If you know me at all, you know I am a big softy, but when it comes to the welfare of my children, I will become stubborn and force myself to do the right thing.
So I set my resolve to be stronger and focus on being steadfast. Next, God opened my eyes a little more. Yesterday, I was reading some adoption blogs. I stumbled across a family's blog. As I read through their adoption journey from Africa, I realized that the referral of their tiny, sweet little girl had ended in grief. This little three month old girl had died from Malaria while they were waiting to bring her home. Their journey was not an easy one and was filled with hopes and with pain. But the story was not over. Several months later, they were able to bring home their second daughter and she is home with them now. I praise God for working his purposes in this family, even amidst tragedy.
So I realize what a big baby I have been. God is my refuge and my strength. May He alone be my joy.